Listen to this EP while reading if you like
https://jeffgburekprojects.bandcamp.com/album/aboriginal-imaginary-magic
Dear Readers, if you are newly subscribed and are yet unaware: this blog contains research material into a wide range of topics including controversial issues of quantum mechanics, shamanism, hermetic cultures, ethnobotany, magic, consciousness studies, mysticism, religion, poetry and art. As my motto set forth in 2007 still reads, "this a place for other information" which means, other: obscure, perhaps on the surface incomprehensible, irrational but deeply scientific in a gnostic sense: a search for the unfolding meaning of our existence. Use my blog as a springboard for your own quest/research.
To view my previous posts regarding Amanit Muscaria and entheogens. go to these links:
https://transparent-abelard.blogspot.com/2023/07/entheogenic-mycology-forums-where.html
https://transparent-abelard.blogspot.com/2023/07/amanita-muscaria-as-medium-of-gut-biome.html
Onward...
Diary of an Accidental Amanita Trip
It started out innocently enough. I had been microdosing dried amanita, from a batch gathered and cured last September, on the last few nights of mid February. The result of those last few nights being a mild drowsiness, euphoria, calm, without any ill side-effects or unusual intensities, I was in for a suprise the third night. This time, while reading some pdfs on first appearance of Gypsies in various historical records of Eastern Europe, I had a bowl of the crispy dried Amanita caps on the table and, by the light of the computer, I munched on them casually, almost as if they were potato chips, more tasty than potato chips, an acquired taste perhaps, certainly more nutritious, a natural high potency Vitamin D provider and after two years of sporadic micro dosage with extreme caution, I got used top the idea that decarboxylated Amanita was not trippable. not a hard-hitter in psychedelic terms. Insidiously however there appeared to be flickers of light, sparkles, flashes in my peripheral vision and the an unusual underlay of light in certain letters of the text, an ominous purple glow around the words "Pyzdry Land Books of 1449" and I started to feel suddenly cold and vaguely nauseous. Only then did I realize I had been rather careless in keeping tabs consciously of how many pieces of the mushroom batch I had ingested. In the rest-room, I nursed a false alarm call to regurgitation. I felt relaxed, however, if a bit queasy, and went back to reading, then typed out the lines of the poem that cryptically had almost nothing at all to do with what I had been reading at all, despite the title
Cygano-matic Moonshine
Whatever glows on this wall-not-wall
Not wall but light reflected
Not wall but a portal
Cycling time through
Time itself illusory
Through seeking minds
(This wall refers to our bedroom. For in our bedroom there is a slanted skylight and evenings the naked white stucco wall becomes much like a cinematic screen and when the moon is full and she cycles by three times casting a white triangle onto the darkness, it's so bright you can read by it)
I stopped writing the poem. Karolina came home. We watched Tillda Swinton's brilliant Berlinale acceptance speech. It was then that I knew full well I was really in the grips of a strong amanita experience, such as when I brewed a tea from caps last year and passed out on the couch blisfully. I thought it would be like before: I would fall asleep and have very amusing and illuminating dreams that I'd ponder and then release. I went, thusly misinformed, groggily to bed.
I don't know how long I was asleep before I was awakened by a strong throbbing light pulsation, white light booming, on a tympani, in my chest cavity, a Native American powwow drum, thud after thud, seismic and I started to say to myself, wake up, wake up, wake up and eventually I heard myself speaking aloud, getting Karolina's attention. She asked what was going on. *
I gave my wake up call to myself, my partner and the world, one more wake up yelp and then I said:
"I have to say something..". and then I was at a loss for speech a moment, just feeling the thunder shuddering inside -- and then I said: my heart -- but even as the words arrived, I was unsure if I was complaining of pain or just recognizing the superlative function of this organ and I was aware that something was happening that was not simply cardiac arrest, quite the opposite of arrest -- then I said out loud, "I'm not sure what to do now" -- and I rolled over feeling for a place of comfort, then flung myself back onto my back willingly and practiced qi-gong arm thrusts and went into clavicular breathing -- and with each breath I grew stronger and clearer of mind and eye and I stood up. I had very strong night vision and could read titles on the spines of books in the dark.
And while I sprang up from the mattress and I shot with a shudder out into the sky like a bullet except this was no normal kind of projectile. Was this maybe a hyper-bullet or what I read recently Wilson Harris had called the quantum bullet --, no, it was no bullet at all. It was me shot out of the cannon mouth of a star core as a star particle and then it finally came to me what I had to say was this:
"I am a star being born" (corny as this sounds in terms of banal hollywood metaphorics).
It was later clear to me that Amanita woke me up and said, hey, you are not going to sleep through this one buddy, we are going to show you what's going on.
It was an astral projection and it moved in two planes or directions simultaneously. At one moment, I was following the trajectory of the recently emitted star particle that was me exiting the galaxy at light speed and I was out there as the spearhead, already beyond the stratosphere, but I was also standing there on the bed looking through the skylight and then after some time passing thousands of objects seemingly I felt my line of sight suddenly focus on a bright celestial object I was approaching, just a orbic glow but as I got closer I saw the outline of the orb more clearly and there was a smaller orb beside it and I was gasping by now, realizing it was the earth, our Earth. I was seeing the planet I was standing from "behind" my body standing there on the bed. And as I slightly turned, I felt the star particle was being drawn into the orbital range of the earth and I was being faced with the choice I had already made in the past --not to merely circle the planet and use it to whip me around at further velocity out into space -- but I would actually go into the earth's atmosphere and look for a place to be born.
Even thinking about this now fills me with an indescribable emotion: ecstatic euphoria, fear of the unknown, fate, inevitability. As if I had not yet been born and didn't know what I was getting myself into while simultaneously there was a recognition of acceptance and fatedness. Memories of what was to come started to form that became restrospections
And the when I was circling down the gyre, spiralling down, it suddenly hit me, wait, maybe, maybe there is some way I can hit things off at different angles as I pass through this time, I could choose some different variables, shift the flavor of events just slightly, not to mess with the fabric of absolute causality but to manifest intentions in new ways. I had to declare where I wanted to go. I knew in my mind I wanted to go to Romania or Moldavia but my own body would not allow this: it held my tongue, so to speak. But the B started to form -- I knew as in Buffalo -- but I also knew there could be several incarnations on the planet so I started to shift, so I managed to say where I wanted to go, which was easier to accept cosmologically-- so Bulgaria came out, then Bucharest , then Bali -- the first parents in Buffalo were born and I was carried through them and then and then...
I was living through many of my life experiences and it was all moving very fast and I could not attend to each re-visitation and while I was also in the room trying to narrate what was happening to Karolina - and she being the person in the room, the one to whom my life path led me, the pace obviously sped up to our times together which I had begun to experience again --- from 16 years ago --
I neglected to say that as I entered earth's atmosphere I began counting the cycles of years -- although it's not clear -- there were many kinds of periodic cycles, the solar, the lunar, the eon partner star to our star, the unfamiliar dark star (blackhole) that I was conscious of being able to choose as reference -- but I began counting my childish human terrestrial years and I was suddenly afraid that, in fact, I was counting out the years of my own life terminus and time seemed to speed up as I grew older and I could count mentally but could not articulate each round as it passed -- after 57 there was a blur and 60 and then, even as I feared I would soon fall over dead, I counted 63 and then managed to say 83, then 88 and the rhythm of the drum felt more steady, regular and eased through the 90's but then sped up gain and whirled at a pace I could not follow but for approximations with it winding up at 157 when I realized it, definitively: my bodily life on the planet was already long gone again and the shooting star particle began another trajectory outside the solar system -- and I have to take a pause here -- because we are nowhere near the end of this trip -- but how, how could I have future memory of travel?
Perhaps because there was no need ever to return?
The next phase was to follow through several long passages at exhilaratingly high speeds through empty stretches of space all the while being able to see when I myself as the shooting star particle grew faint and seemed to disappear almost, almost as I was now a dying star but no it was not true -- I was merely growing smaller in those phases to pass through some needle's eye and my thread would come through again -- it was then I knew that there is no death. There is forgetting perhaps of many things that appeared relevant to life on earth or any exoplanet but the particle's life was timeless and irreversible, created eternal and invincible and when I felt this certainty that there was no death and that this allowed one to feel light and unthreatened by anything and be happy perpetually,
I turned to Karolina and said, so, you already knew this, she said yes she knew that
There was a marvelous effect of seeing the point of the star extended into the vast distance and the conic trail it had as it the bore grew thinner and thinner as the distance increased
I was also able to rise to points in the sky and see the constellations from various angles yet I was always in some sense tethered to the here and now of my bodily groundedness.
(A day later I would recognize that this was the one element of the Amanita experience that the Siberian reindeer shamans reported and which led to the myth of flying reindeer and the proto-santa claus and the urgency of the wake up call reminded me of how quickly the fungus itself rises from the mycelium, how tall they become over even 24 hours as I observed while cultivating them over a few days. This rage for verticality, this spinal catastrophism. Heliotropism. Heliopathy. Sun salutes. Rupert Sheldrake's take "why can't the sun have a mind"
In my life, many things that I ventured to guess I knew were true through intuition turned out later to be proven true either by confirming testimony or by the gradual turns in rational science and there are a number of aspects of this experience that struck me as showing quantum entanglement and frame dragging of celestial mechanical systems via gravitation. Yet still I was not able to fathom any of this in terms of technicity. Where these mere hallucinations or fables and metaphors that Amanita was presenting to me? My own poetic fancy? I have to put aside this search for rationalization and follow the flow of imagery if I am ever going to present any useful material for the consideration of the readers here or even to estimate the value of my life experience itself. Even if it winds up being only a remix of my own preconceived ideas and formulae echoic of sci-fi gnosticism, it will be that imagination.
That star particle trajectory still went on and it eventually appeared suggested that star energies manifest often in human life on the level of orgasmic tantric potency avatars and the idea of solar energy being linked to the Chinese energy of Chi and the Vedic prana -- shooting through sushuma -- shakti, suggestions were evident but there were no trappings of any typical religious imagery and I only bring up these terms now in my attempt to describe the experience. No faces in the sky, no echoed words of gurus or prophets or zootropic constellations. But stars and planets appeared as effortless families and eutopian super social beings in their own terms. They shared substances and physical relationships with one another. These relationships are no more nor less significant than interactions between human beings. Anyone who lives in any large city can feel there is both an energetic interaction and an energetic indifference. You can say planets care about as much for one another as three of four random people unknown to one another in any street. They pass like hollow ships in the night and asteroids pass by gas giants in the humorless hollow void universe of cold and unconscious dumb concretion. But is that too not anthropomorphic projection, that it is humorless? And what about the volatiile reactions and chemistry of stars and Gaia? Are they not allowed to keep their secrets? Have they not done so for aeons and will they not for aeons to come? We too often only "learn" from or about nature in order to exploit and extract and this has led to the climate crisis we now know will alter the future generations irreversibly. It's about time we discovered a new way to think and frame relationality.
It occured to me that since the female has encoded by genome a specific amount of ovum for her life that indeed there could be a more copious but nevertheless limited and countable quantity of spermatazoans. If we can measure life potential my ova and sperm count then why not by how may crushes you ever had or why not by something equally physically viable like the orgasm? Provided the orgasm will continue to have any importance in the life of animals. One could then measure a life in orgasms and there was no way to better explain this fact tantrically but to compare the apparent life/death duality as the particle's appearance/disappearance and re-appearance and re-disappearance as momentary blackouts where time no longer counts nor is counted within the la petite mort.
Thus I started to see in the cosmos before me various swirls of particle trajectories drawn inexorably toward one another. An indifferent but no less physical paroxysmal cosmic orgy. Some entities would entangle, enlace, collide, smear and/or emerge through one another multiplied and scattering seedling spore radioactive pollen. Others would ride on some asymptotic career towards some converging point and they would travel so long ever so infinitesimally nearer one another that time became nothing to speak of and even their own sense of identity of being different particles was either forgotten or simply erased, lost effortlessly. Eternal lovers would learn the proper way to live as one together.
Here begins the contemplation of the fates of astrally projected or star particle lovers and how -- I have to stop and figure how to express this in language --
In the morning, afte this seven hours ordeal, surviving this accidental "heroic dose" as the psychonauts call it, I went back to the Cygano-matic poem
Finding following scattering
self-thrown inter-mingled
photonic bounce of time arrows
kajillion tiny billiard balls
Glowing star-points soaring off
At speeds of the light creators
Faster than light itself
???
Signifying difficulty
Truly sets in
Warp's continuity
Weft's extension
Woof into howl
You sing it but it's not a song
It's too long a tone
To carry on
One tongue, alone
Hollow from the throat
Opening moisture
Condensation
Breathing out
Exhalation
Shuuussshuumaa
Shooting star particle
Not meteoric
Not falling to earth daedal dull
Shooting star particle
An endless trajectory
No matter how many turns
Around any and all objects
Objects so called
Condensed matter forms
No matter how many twists
This star can make itself tiny enough
To pass through the tiniest opening
Shooting star particle
Can cycle through earth
Or any exoplanet
Any planets with the fuel they need
Which is gathered in approaching
Any hydrous bearing mass
Shooting star particle
Sweeps around or through
Any and all and carries on the journey
Journey so-called without destination
And the only stopover
Is when it passes through a soul
At birth forming a memory **
Of its passage so-called
Through the bodies of the living
As they channel orgasmic light
As chi through bodily cycles
Of erotic intelligence seeking
And finding experience of itself
As plasmic tissues
Such as our human animal bodies
And plant bodies are
As structures of a temporary
Temporality or curvature in space+time
That is not even measurable
By the highest mathematical calculations
(There would have to be a computer larger than the entire cosmos
created as a computer within an even larger cosmos
to calculate only the events happening within
in this one we imagine to be calculable)
Shooting star particle
Encounters objects similarly self exploring the borders of being
Denuded of all illusory identity
And transformed by the flow
Seduced or inducted into the endless trajectory
skimmed, struck or inspired
by each and every own particle with participating
within and generating
The experience of pure ecstatic joy
That is in all actuality without end
It is deathless and stateless
Shooting star particle surpasses all life
Yet participates within individual body formation and naturally
Guides you to experience deathless ecstasy assurance if and when
You agree to the process of being boundless
There is another plasmic formation
Shooting star particle experiences
It is the plasmoid surrounding contrary flow
That encounter when momentum
Decreases -- normally when approaching very dense cosmological objects
The slight but noticeable reduction of acceleration of the enhanced curvature
Which Science calls gravitation
This indicates a contrary flow of energy we might call dark energy so-called
because it has its own flow
It's principle is not different but contrary
Very Heraclitean in fact, these two paths, non-dualistic
Shooting star particle is flying through and by
and it's even something like behind the dark energy
which may be moving at some kind of super fast acceleration
that is so fast that it paradoxically seems to be moving slower
In any case it can create a sense of drag or pull on the overwhelmingly positive
light energy manifested in shooting star particle
Which seems so positively positive
that to the entropic life of attention deficit
capitalist earth seems only madness
This message sponsored by amanita muscari
----
Other reflections on the coldness of space after having been there via astral projection.
These are not so reassuring.
We are all entities without actual history. If humanity has made it into the Akashic records, it's ony via the conduits of those considered crackpots. Our species insistance ofn it's own hegemony of ontology, this arrogance, excludes us from wider consideration by alien creatures. The narrative of inclusion and exclusion in any cultural register or hierarchy are unknown to planets and stars seemingly and we as a species make no impact directly on things other than by an incidental brute physical force that is ultimately impotent. We vainly engage in politics, as if any democracies are actually functional.The damage human beings have done to the planet is only damage on its own terms and within the effect it has on anthropocentric habitability schemata. We can read the book of nature. We can read the archaeological or geological record. By doing so we are giving ourselves a pat on the back saying look how conscientious we are. How can there be a pretense towards science on this planet when any number of genocidal projects are being carried out funded and supplied by international arms trade for profit of billionaires? Shackled to money the world drags itself to the bottom of a dead ocean, its head full of stones. As much as I love astronomy and follow space exploration, I am nevertheless unable to fathom the indifference of the corporatism and militarism implicit in the progress of these disciplines and rue the day it evolved to be that science had to work for capital interests and abusive governmental powers.
We were better off with anarchic alchemists and shamanic sky-gazers perhaps
Notes and some bibliography
* Days later Karolina told me that before I started saying "wake up, wake up" that I had uttered in my sleep, "I am asleep and I don't know why"
** Do a google search for "water has a memory"
Reading on the Roma presence in Poland refered to in paragraph 1
https://www.google.de/books/edition/ROMA_GYPSY_PRESENCE_IN_THE_POLISH_LITHUA/Mir2DAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA1&printsec=frontcover
